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  • NikkieTutorials
    NikkieTutorials   3 months back

    *I love you so much...*

    • x.X Cute Potato X.x
      x.X Cute Potato X.x  4 days back

      If your little brother's spirit can vome watching over you. If you KNOW he is there. Watching for you. So can you. You can see him again on a friday. Believe me with this. My best friend visits me every friday..🖤

    • Jewels Brewner
      Jewels Brewner  2 weeks back

      For sure my next Halloween look. Sorry for ur loss and I'm happy that ur finding ur own way thru it. Ur wonderful and a very special person.

    • Louise Adayah Cerda
      Louise Adayah Cerda  2 months back

      Love you too 😍😘

    • Eva Bodil Lindsjö
      Eva Bodil Lindsjö  3 months back

      ❤️❤️❤️❤️I Knowl what you are talking about, Nikkie!

    • gee williams💓
      gee williams💓  3 months back

      💖💞💘💕💝💓💗

  • Darya Banshi
    Darya Banshi  3 hours back

    I don’t afraid of death like turning into nothing. But I’m terrified about pain that you feel before. Your body and mind are in total suffering, it’s screaming : “It’s so painful! Stop it!”. I don’t afraid what’s going next, but time between dying and the end... It’s my personal nightmare.
    I know that my family could cry and same stuff, but I won’t see it, and wouldn’t be able to help and support them. It’s sad, but true

    • Edaaa _06
      Edaaa _06  6 hours back

      I'm not scared of death at all I'm just scared of leaving while I'm not ready yet

      • Patti Charles
        Patti Charles  14 hours back

        What's going on with the volume it gets low, it gets loud etc...

        • Nicolás Pastrana
          Nicolás Pastrana  17 hours back

          ❤️🌹👑

          • Betty Bosz
            Betty Bosz  21 hours back

            Watching this video and her coming out video. I can see the whole relationship between to

            • Amanda Akay
              Amanda Akay  1 days back

              I would have full on panic attacks about death when I was a kid. It felt like looking down a big spiraling black hole.

              • iris Nastasia
                iris Nastasia  2 days back

                Zoveel respect voor jou 💜

                • Stephanie Bouzounis
                  Stephanie Bouzounis  2 days back

                  I relate to this so hard dude.

                  • Danielle588
                    Danielle588  2 days back

                    Wow nikki, I also have those thoughts sometimes. It is so scary to not know what will come next.. I really felt all your words. Thanks for sharing ❣️

                    • Jenn Jones
                      Jenn Jones  2 days back

                      I am very scared to die. I don't want to be buried bc I don't want that to happen to my body in case I need it and I don't want the other option bc again I go back to I don't want that to happen to my body in case I need oh it. Also I've read in the Bible that your reunited with your loved ones, but then it also says you don't know anyone. It's left me very confused and scared!

                      • Gab E
                        Gab E  2 days back

                        I always thought that my brain was messed up and that I was the only one that felt that way. Wanting to commit suicide but holding out because of that fear of nothingness after. Laying awake at night in the dark on the verge of a panic attack thinking about what happens after and how it feels to die.

                        Thank you for this video. You gave me a sense of peace in a way. Everyday is still a struggle but it’s better than it used to be:)

                        • retrothecake
                          retrothecake  2 days back

                          I have thanataphobia it's not fun

                          • Marilyn McGladdery
                            Marilyn McGladdery  2 days back

                            Nikki you and your mother are amazing , love you girl x

                            • Lemon Star
                              Lemon Star  2 days back

                              I literally feel just the same about death, exactly the same

                              • Damia
                                Damia  2 days back

                                Teenagers by MCR. I don't know, you may relate. ✌🏻

                                • auber Ginity
                                  auber Ginity  2 days back

                                  only Nikki can tell good stories while doing make up

                                  • Madison Deforest
                                    Madison Deforest  2 days back

                                    I have had the hardest time grieving over my best friend.
                                    I sobbed for a year over one of our dogs dying. I literally couldn’t even say her name...
                                    When my best friend died I struggle crying. And I want to. She was my best friend of 8 strong years. My number one girl. We talked every night. And I have to struggle to cry... really? But she hated me crying. Cause she would cry, and where she purposefully took her life I wonder if she doesn’t want me to cry over her, because she can’t stand me crying still.
                                    So in some way that gives me a comfort. My mom says it’s because it’s so painful my brain protects me.
                                    Now this isn’t me saying I’ve never cried. I have. But it’s just rare moments. And of course when I first heard the news. Anyway. Today is her 2 year death date. I miss her. I hope she is with me. I believe in more than nothingness.

                                    • Britney Thurmeier
                                      Britney Thurmeier  2 days back

                                      Thank you for this so much... i just lost my little brother . This helps so much

                                      • Alexandra Shaw
                                        Alexandra Shaw  2 days back

                                        why do you say "haaaaalo" instead of Hello like everyone else?

                                        • Kelsey Darlene
                                          Kelsey Darlene  2 days back

                                          My great grandmother passed away a few years ago. We were pretty close, I mean i loved her greatly. I feel like i can still feel her or sense her sometimes... She loved white butterflies and sometimes during white butterfly off-season, i would see one hanging around, usually during, before, or after big and important things in my life. I think it's cool, i still see signs of her around.

                                          • Wendy Bee
                                            Wendy Bee  2 days back

                                            Nikkie we love you so much. We’ve got you now and tomorrow.

                                            • JenSince88
                                              JenSince88  2 days back

                                              I’ve been in the room when many of my patients have died. Death is sad and scary, but it’s also beautiful. There is something very comforting and relieving about watching someone who was suffering, or someone who simply just came to the end of their life, take their last breath. When people die they do not become “nothing”. They live on through the memories and impact they made on the world. That’s why in certain moments you can feel their energy. It’s so important for the living to focus on the impact they make while they are here, because that is how they continue to be present in the world after their physical body dies.

                                              • Caroline Cruz
                                                Caroline Cruz  2 days back

                                                If death was an angel , this is what it’d look like

                                                • Kaelie Ortega
                                                  Kaelie Ortega  3 days back

                                                  I'm scared of others death not my own

                                                  • Michael Powers
                                                    Michael Powers  3 days back

                                                    You go to heaven or hell

                                                    • iiSimply Fairy
                                                      iiSimply Fairy  3 days back

                                                      Well I mean, if you want to know about where you go for heaven you can always join a religion! I'm a Christian and I know not everyone believes in God but it makes death a wee bit less scary if you feel as though you go someplace when you pass away.

                                                      • Angry Marshmallow
                                                        Angry Marshmallow  3 days back

                                                        We need her to talk with Caitlin Dourghty at Ask A Mortician! 💖

                                                        • Amaya H.
                                                          Amaya H.  3 days back

                                                          When she started to talk about how she was really really insecure about everything, I just started crying. I know what that feels like and tears just started running...💗💗💗

                                                          • Amaya H.
                                                            Amaya H.  2 days back

                                                            Jenn Jones 💗💗

                                                          • Jenn Jones
                                                            Jenn Jones  2 days back

                                                            You will grow out of that! I'm sure your beautiful inside and out. Confidence is the best thing anyone can wear/have. I know it's easier said than done but you will get there! 💕

                                                        • Dora Cristal
                                                          Dora Cristal  3 days back

                                                          U shold look for a religion

                                                          • Mrs Green
                                                            Mrs Green  3 days back

                                                            This is so interesting I have a different understanding now after today's video

                                                          • msdarkstar1012
                                                            msdarkstar1012  3 days back

                                                            Oh my god! Death is my number one fear. I feel the exact same way! I attempted suicide when I was 19 and survived. The moment I woke up I was terrrrrrified of death.

                                                            • Little Bitch
                                                              Little Bitch  3 days back

                                                              @msdarkstar1012 no but people did think that

                                                            • msdarkstar1012
                                                              msdarkstar1012  3 days back

                                                              Do you think you are evil?

                                                            • Little Bitch
                                                              Little Bitch  3 days back

                                                              As gay, i committed/attempted suicide many times and yet im still alive i do that fear death because im the already the evil in the eyes of the people.

                                                          • Betsy/BA BF
                                                            Betsy/BA BF  3 days back

                                                            I used to be petrified of death. We lost our last baby, my husband of 23 yrs (my world), my mom and my best friend, all back to back in recent years. If I didn't have our 5 children to raise who need me, I would be with my husband. I am no longer afraid of death though. Either there is nothing or the man who protected me my entire adult life if there. The only thing I fear is losing one of my children. I will snap because I've barely been holding on with all my losses, especially losing my husband.

                                                            • Betsy/BA BF
                                                              Betsy/BA BF  3 days back

                                                              @Little Bitch I am Christian myself, though as just a human I can't say I know definitely if there is a God. Scientists say at least 10% of humans and all animals are gay, and that is probably a very low estimate. Do you really think God would make that many mistakes? A loving God would also not want that many people to not be happy or loved, so in no way do I see being gay or bi as a sin. You are who you are because you are suppose to be and because that is right. Find pride in that and in who you are. I am going to say this...and please hear it. My life has been shattered completely by suicide. Suicide in no way ends pain. It multiplies the pain times 1000 and gives it to the people you love the most, who then live with that insane level of pain for their entire lives every single day. That is not what you ever want. Work on loving yourself and treating yourself as you would treat a best friend, then you will realize your goals and your future will fall into place.

                                                            • Little Bitch
                                                              Little Bitch  3 days back

                                                              Im sorry for ur lost but same, as a gay/bi person i do that fear death because people already think im a sinner i attempted suicide many times and yet im still alive if People alway judge you for being who you were if i can't make my future in this world then maybe i can when i die

                                                          • Jade Brant
                                                            Jade Brant  3 days back

                                                            what is this self love camp you referred to and where can i sign up

                                                            • KANDN
                                                              KANDN  3 days back

                                                              I think that's somewhere in her country in Holland

                                                          • Lacy Monster
                                                            Lacy Monster  3 days back

                                                            My spouse is a mortician. I have two kids
                                                            Many of our family members are veterans of war

                                                            Death is a part of life

                                                            I the western first world
                                                            We are so removed from the process of death
                                                            We
                                                            Dont understand it.

                                                            I suggest getting
                                                            To know death
                                                            And maybe it won’t be so fearful ?!?

                                                            • Julyanna Monero
                                                              Julyanna Monero  3 days back

                                                              The concept of death brings me so much anxiety. And when I had a loved one die last year, I felt like I wanted to face my fear of death and overcome it. It only brought me more and more anxiety the deeper I tried to rationalize it. Finally I've had to reluctantly accept that it's something that scares me so much. It really helps to read the comments and feel like I'm not the only one. I've heard so many people say they're not scared of it and shrug it off like nothing, which is great for them... But I felt so alone in what I was feeling. So grateful for you Nikkie, bringing light to what is actually a normal feeling for a lot of people. You're incredible!

                                                              • KANDN
                                                                KANDN  3 days back

                                                                Also i have a friend that shrugged off my question of death like what are you talking about etc then 1 weeks later she came and said so i acted like nothing but literally a couple weeks before you asked me that i had a nervous breakdown from an existential crisis, i was so shocked so maybe those ppl dont want to open up or are scared because its taboo, so its a defense mechanism to not think of death

                                                              • KANDN
                                                                KANDN  3 days back

                                                                Youre not alone, I felt that feeling of dread since I was 9 manu of my family would say hey don't ask those questions don't think that way etc. But im 29 now and the feeling hasnt changed I've received therapy and only thing thats helped me when they said death happens to everyone dont overthink it but alas doesnt help that much, maybe as we get older we'll feel more at peace with it which is what my grandma told me

                                                            • Meghan Bertram
                                                              Meghan Bertram  3 days back

                                                              I’ve dealt with death since I was 4 years old. I’ve lost both my brothers, friends and family. And with being around death for so long I look at it another way. Your loved ones are always with you, in your heart and your mind.

                                                              • maritteyou
                                                                maritteyou  4 days back

                                                                Thank you for talking about this. Death sucks, even when it might not. My grandmother passed a little over a month ago, from cancer. But she was old, had a good and rich life, was a boss ass farmer matriarch and she was ready and passed peacefully. But it hurts so much to say goodbye and knowing the person is not gonna be there anymore, even though you know we all come to an end someday. I'm not religious but I admire the people who are, so for me death have always just been nothingness until my boyfriend talked about this physics theory of energy, that says no energy never leaves the universe. So all the energy from loved ones if flowing around the universe until the end of time. This gave me some calmness. The person's conciseness might not be here, but their energy is forever.

                                                                • Nik
                                                                  Nik  4 days back

                                                                  Every night all I can think about is death, I've had to resort to heavy sleeping pills just to deal with it

                                                                  • KANDN
                                                                    KANDN  3 days back

                                                                    I know what you mean hun, its hard to deal with been dealing sith it for over 20 years it will get better with time and just stay strong, we all feel this just some of us feeling stronger than others

                                                                • Isa van Venrooij
                                                                  Isa van Venrooij  4 days back

                                                                  finally someone who had the same kind of suicidal thoughts, and the same fear, i thought abt suicide but i didnt do anything to myself. yk? Like, u want to live but just not in sadn3ss, and also death is scary. i wish i could have someone to talk to abt this subject and that they understand bc here in Holland ppl dont get me

                                                                  • Isa van Venrooij
                                                                    Isa van Venrooij  3 days back

                                                                    @KANDN omg tysm, you are strong, you really are. Do you think my therapy will help with all of this?

                                                                  • KANDN
                                                                    KANDN  3 days back

                                                                    Ive had this since i was 9 im 29 now, it gets better with time

                                                                  • KANDN
                                                                    KANDN  3 days back

                                                                    I understand what you mean, youre not alone, a lot of ppl think this way but we build up defense mechanisms to cope

                                                                  • Isa van Venrooij
                                                                    Isa van Venrooij  4 days back

                                                                    im a good person, like fr. But i- Yeah i dont know how to explain i just wish i could talk to you abt this bc i feel like u would literally understand, my therapists kinda dont

                                                                • Claire Marie
                                                                  Claire Marie  4 days back

                                                                  who else is watching this after her new video?

                                                                  • Claire Marie
                                                                    Claire Marie  2 days back

                                                                    @Anon she looks absolutely beautiful and you know it. stop looking for attention by being mean.

                                                                  • Jace Rose
                                                                    Jace Rose  2 days back

                                                                    Anon do you get off on insulting people? Theres no way she looks like a man and the only reason youd say that is either bc youre a troll or youre just a gaping asshole so go back under your bridge with your opinions

                                                                  • Anon
                                                                    Anon  2 days back

                                                                    She looks like a man luuuuul

                                                                  • Jace Rose
                                                                    Jace Rose  2 days back

                                                                    When i heard her say she was insecure about her voice here after her new video it kinda made me sad bc i know how it feels a little too much

                                                                  • Anthea Wang
                                                                    Anthea Wang  4 days back

                                                                    It feels much more heavier watching her sharing this now.

                                                                • MARIA FERNANDA COELHO GONÇALVES

                                                                  FUCK !!! THA’T SO FRIKING SCARY! And beautiful at the same time like....WTF? I think i am going to have a nightmare today.....and i have fear of death to... jesus

                                                                  • Laurie Kelly
                                                                    Laurie Kelly  2 weeks back

                                                                    I’m so sorry about your brother. He died on my twins sisters 17th birthday. After my dad committed suicide my family and I sometimes felt that he was there too. God bless you and I love you ❤️

                                                                    • Jamesbean thesciencequeen

                                                                      who else clicked off cause they have the same fear and are getting a panic attack omfG

                                                                      • Ashley Woods
                                                                        Ashley Woods  2 weeks back

                                                                        I thought I was alone in thinking about this stuff and it scaring me to the point of having a panic attack.. I’m glad I’m not but I am sorry you go through it too

                                                                        • Katerin Rodriguez
                                                                          Katerin Rodriguez  2 weeks back

                                                                          Hi Nikkie.
                                                                          I am 19 years old and I feel the exact same way about death

                                                                          • Christine allcock
                                                                            Christine allcock  2 weeks back

                                                                            I have panic attacks when I think about death but My family and I lost our dad today on his 76 birthday to cancer but I feel so at peace now I’ve had 2 years to get used to the idea he will never be around and I can deal with it better now ❤️

                                                                            • Sophia W.
                                                                              Sophia W.  3 weeks back

                                                                              Nikkie, I honestly don't know why I am writing this, but I feel that I have to. God loves you and wants more than anything for you to know him. If you believe that God sent his son to die a death that we all deserve, for us, then you will go to Heaven. But if you refuse God and his words, then you will go to hell. There is NOTHING that you can do that will make him stop loving you... and I speak from experience. You probably will never see this but God is telling me to write this and I don't take his words lightly.


                                                                              Romans 8:38 says: And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow -- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love.
                                                                              love you <3