Lab Results - Cyanide & Happiness Shorts

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  • Published: 04 May 2017
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    Well, Mr. Watson, we have your lab results back. And, well...

    Cyanide and Happiness delivers daily comics to your face-hole on explosm.net since 2005!

    Credits:
    Created By: Rob DenBleyker, Kris Wilson, Dave McElfatrick
    Featuring Kevin Murphy
    Directed By: Rob DenBleyker, Joel Watson
    Screenplay By: Rob DenBleyker, Dave McElfatrick
    Story By: Rob DenBleyker, Dave McElfatrick, Kris Wilson, Joel Watson, Michael Rousselet, Heather DenBleyker
    Voice Actors:
    Kevin Murphy - Doctor
    Animation Director: Bill Jones
    Animation: Bill Jones
    Character Design: Jerald Lewis
    Background Art: Shawn Coss
    Animatic: Chelsea Kubesh
    Editor: Thaddeus Grant Fenton
    Assistant Editor: Taylor Ransom
    Sound FX: Ben Governale
    Assistant Sound Design: Samm Barrett
    Music Arranged By: Steve Lehmann
    Supervising Producer: Derek Miller, Greg Slagel
    Produced By: Adam Nusrallah
    Production Managers: Lowbrow Studios - Mike Parker
    Production Assistants: Lorraine Bett, Autumn Netherton


    Lyrics:
    DOCTOR
    Well, Mr. Watson, we have your
    lab results back. And, well...

    You’ve got...
    Norovirus, hepatitis, tendinitis,
    syphilis,
    And salmonella, sickle cell,
    a rash we don’t know what it is,
    And toxoplasma, super asthma,
    better go call Make-A-Wish.
    You haven’t got much longer and I
    haven’t finished half my list!

    Your brain’s arthritic, blood’s
    acidic, dick hole trickles pickle juice,
    Your pancreas is gangrenous, my God
    please never reproduce!
    You’re seizure prone and every bone
    inside your body’s cancerous.
    Your joints go backwards, and I
    lack words to explain how bad this is!

    (spoken)
    Except for these words!

    Your taint’s inflamed, your anus
    sprained, your every vein is
    clogged with plaque,
    Your spine’s a wreck, your throat’s
    infected from your neck down to
    your crack!
    And all your poop is filled with lupus,
    All your shit is out of whack!

    Your heart’s diseased and full of
    bees a single breeze could end your
    measly-
    Life and also measles, weevils,
    fecal beetles, fetal alcoholic
    syndrome, chronic symptoms common
    to medieval people,

    Your nose is blown, your back is
    thrown, your cells have unknown chromosomes,
    And kidney stones and loads of
    Crohns and toenail cheese and pubic
    fleas and leaky knees, and
    athlete’s feet, and trucker’s butt,
    one twisted nut, your liver sucks,
    with any luck you’ll kick the
    bucket soon enooooough,

    Also you’re deaf.
  • Fun Fun

Comments • 10 765

  • M. P.
    M. P.  3 hours back

    When I explain why I missed school

    • AnimeIsMyWaifu
      AnimeIsMyWaifu  19 hours back

      This is the Eminem of doctors

      • Luck Ransus
        Luck Ransus  1 days back

        How the fuck is he still breathing???

        • Vuong Khong
          Vuong Khong  2 days back

          Luckily he still hasn't blinded yet.

          • Deniz Kürkçü
            Deniz Kürkçü  2 days back

            Better call make a wish...

            • Logan Jones
              Logan Jones  2 days back

              The doctor sounds like Tom Servo. Anyone else think that?

              • Space99
                Space99  2 days back

                *a single breeze could end your measily.... LIFE*

                • Mohd Hafiz
                  Mohd Hafiz  3 days back

                  Cell at work universe bodies

                  • Cayden Coyle
                    Cayden Coyle  3 days back

                    Me: has slight cough.
                    Parents: it’s just a cough
                    Doctors: it’s just a mild cough
                    Google:

                    • BlackIronMaN2213
                      BlackIronMaN2213  4 days back

                      How the is he hell is this guy not melted powder?

                      • kk2.studios
                        kk2.studios  4 days back

                        1:08 that face

                        • Libby Lloyd
                          Libby Lloyd  7 days back

                          Husky is a good dog

                          • kah sgsgsgsg
                            kah sgsgsgsg  1 weeks back

                            I don't get what the end meant when he said also your deaf I know it means that how did he listen to the song but there is more to it can someone explain pls

                            • Mint Clint
                              Mint Clint  5 days back

                              he didn't hear a single thing he said

                            • broken gamer
                              broken gamer  5 days back

                              It means he didn't hear any of it and thought he was good until he read it

                          • Blue Blurry 14
                            Blue Blurry 14  1 weeks back

                            Wait if he's deaf then why was he clapping?

                            • Trippy Sundays
                              Trippy Sundays  1 weeks back

                              Send this to the person you hate the most

                              • Night bot
                                Night bot  1 weeks back

                                0:57 when im reading a book

                                • Hazenhard
                                  Hazenhard  1 weeks back

                                  with all these problems you wouldn't be dead you would be a pile of dust.

                                • MARCEL j
                                  MARCEL j  1 weeks back

                                  When you do something so perfect to find out that they didn't even notice you

                                  • Zamiesz
                                    Zamiesz  1 weeks back

                                    New KFC dude looks cool

                                    • Curlorly06
                                      Curlorly06  1 weeks back

                                      “Dick hole trickles pickle juice”

                                      • Shree Prajan
                                        Shree Prajan  1 weeks back

                                        I laughed my ass off when he said unknown chromosomes and the chromosome had X, Y and *Z* chromosome..🤣🤣

                                        • Godsofmemes
                                          Godsofmemes  1 weeks back

                                          They spent 7 hours searching up these diseases because they dont have any Karen's at work

                                          • NullifiedMinecraft
                                            NullifiedMinecraft  1 weeks back

                                            D A R K

                                            • Капитан Осмоловский

                                              me: I'm so sorry, but you have 1 minute and 38 seconds to live...
                                              doctor: what

                                              • Gotai Devil
                                                Gotai Devil  2 weeks back

                                                Wait







                                                How can one have all of these *AT THE SAME TIME* ?

                                                • nadinegsharpe
                                                  nadinegsharpe  2 weeks back

                                                  I wonder what the song is actually called

                                                  • Bloodclaw Playz
                                                    Bloodclaw Playz  2 weeks back

                                                    Karen's anti vac kid

                                                    • Sebastian Chaplin
                                                      Sebastian Chaplin  2 weeks back

                                                      I am the very model major general.
                                                      That is the somg in the video he did a very good job

                                                      • 1000 subscribers with no videos

                                                        dickhole trickles picklejuice

                                                        • Yahn Cabajeiro
                                                          Yahn Cabajeiro  2 weeks back

                                                          Is this how the major general died?

                                                          • legosupreme
                                                            legosupreme  2 weeks back

                                                            Its never lupus.

                                                            • T Time
                                                              T Time  2 weeks back

                                                              Me and a friend are doing this for the middle school talent show lmao (I'm the one singing) It had to be...heavily revised, but the gist of it is still there

                                                              Edit: We might get kicked out. The teacher talked to us and decided it was offensive. (I totally understand- I don’t want to be insensitive to people with these conditions) So anyway, we have to come up with a whole new comedy skit. Any ideas?

                                                              • innxrwinter x
                                                                innxrwinter x  2 weeks back

                                                                My dog's name is Ms. Watson-

                                                                • random channel of eevee

                                                                  WebMD be like

                                                                  • hello there
                                                                    hello there  2 weeks back

                                                                    At 2x the speed this is some shit

                                                                    • Niko
                                                                      Niko  2 weeks back

                                                                      me : cough
                                                                      mom : just a cold
                                                                      doctor : just a cold
                                                                      Google :

                                                                    • micheuu
                                                                      micheuu  2 weeks back

                                                                      Me: cold hands and feet

                                                                      Google:

                                                                    • Backcapt studios
                                                                      Backcapt studios  2 weeks back

                                                                      At 0:49 he said life was a disease

                                                                      • josuke higashikata
                                                                        josuke higashikata  2 weeks back

                                                                        When you sneeze on the anti vax kid

                                                                        • Curtis Warren BTW STOP BEGGING

                                                                          if u play it at 0.25 the animation is a bit off...

                                                                          • Curtis Warren BTW STOP BEGGING

                                                                            can sombody remix this already?

                                                                            • Billy Bob Joe
                                                                              Billy Bob Joe  2 weeks back

                                                                              Is this meant to be a homage/parody of the Modern Major General song?

                                                                              • Mason Tipton
                                                                                Mason Tipton  2 weeks back

                                                                                ● ●
                                                                                )-------------------------------------(

                                                                                • Noob master
                                                                                  Noob master  2 weeks back

                                                                                  When you Google your symptoms

                                                                                  • The Kael Show
                                                                                    The Kael Show  2 weeks back

                                                                                    When the doctor find out you play fortnite:

                                                                                    • Curtis Warren BTW STOP BEGGING

                                                                                      soctor when the rash is found out to be small pox: *WERE ALL GONNA DIE!*

                                                                                      • Plusle mainiac
                                                                                        Plusle mainiac  2 weeks back

                                                                                        i just kept watching this on repeat yes i needed this. XD

                                                                                        • Brian Lilly
                                                                                          Brian Lilly  2 weeks back

                                                                                          Get this on spotify