How to Disagree Better | NYT Opinion

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  • Published: 18 September 2019
  • These days, arguments can become a destructive land-grab for social media points, and quickly hit a dead-end. If we want to find solutions, it’s vital that we learn how to disagree thoughtfully and with curiosity.

    At this very moment, people are ready to pounce on anyone they deem “wrong.”

    And someone is definitely wrong on the Internet right now. Some of them are wrong in your social media feeds, and there’s a good chance you’re already friends with at least one such person. We get things wrong all the time.

    So what do we do when we decide someone’s wrong? Engage -- or not? Disagree loudly -- or roll our eyes silently? Block them, or troll them?

    A rare option would be to make an impossible conversation possible through the techniques above.

    Research confirms that central to influencing -- or just productively engaging with -- other humans is a sense of psychological safety. Letting friends (or strangers on the internet) hold beliefs that you think are wrong, but letting them know you’re still friends (or still just strangers on the internet, not mortal enemies) reinforces that safety.

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Comments • 186

  • João Farias
    João Farias  1 days back

    Relationships with the state are not about argumentation or truth-search.
    Relationships with the state (because it monopolizes the usage of force and violence)
    are either about fear (when you use the state to avoid others to use it
    to harm you) or power (when you want to harm someone).
    Most people are on the fear side
    Work to push people out relation with the state.
    Not to make the Leviathan mild and meek - it is against its nature and you will fail.

    • John Billings
      John Billings  6 days back

      Whatever. I disagree out of hand.
      People are "losing jobs" due to the auto strike?
      They should have been on strike with the auto
      workers to begin with.

      • Mean Old Lady
        Mean Old Lady  1 weeks back

        It's Trump or lose the country & all out freedoms entirely. There are no other choices. There are corrupt democrats, useless RINOs & Trump who's exposing all the corruption.
        He can only do so much. Vote every single useless politician out of office or become slaves to your corporate/democrat masters.

        • Samjai Sam
          Samjai Sam  1 weeks back

          I didn’t know America was also divided like Hong Kong!

          • Flurpie X
            Flurpie X  1 weeks back

            lol wut is this aspect ratio

            • Urban Decay
              Urban Decay  1 weeks back

              You hear that New York Times? Listen and learn.

              • Who likes beans
                Who likes beans  1 weeks back

                NYT hates our right to freedom of thought and speech and wants to control what we think and say.

                • Pedro Heberle
                  Pedro Heberle  1 weeks back

                  Sure, I always ask people for their scales.

                  • Shahrooz Shadbakht
                    Shahrooz Shadbakht  2 weeks back

                    Another good one is to avoid the Tu Quoque fallacy: the appeal to hypocrisy. Just because someone is guilty of something doesn’t mean the claim they’re making is false. A person can reasonably make the claim that smoking is bad for one’s health, even though he’s a smoker. Address the truth-claim, not the person’s credibility or authority.
                    Another example: “Chinese government is guilty of X.” “What about the US, they do the same thing.” That’s a also a Tu Quoque fallacy. The guilt of US committing X is irrelevant to the claim of Chinese government doing a wrong. Is the claim true or false, needs to be answered.
                    Just think of the old adage “Just because others jumps off a bridge it doesn’t mean we all have to.” Or “two wrongs don’t make a right.”

                    • duhtoff
                      duhtoff  2 weeks back

                      I disagree with this video.

                      • Damnit Bobby
                        Damnit Bobby  2 weeks back

                        #CancelNYT

                        • agikus
                          agikus  3 weeks back

                          it is easy to have a civil conversation with someone you trust. but since politicians constantly lie to cover their secret agendas, and corporate media is nothing but a propaganda tool for the military-industrial-complex, CIA, CFR, and their corporate handlers, they hear truth as a confrontation. and it is, because what you deserve is---life in prison for violating the public trust, for allowing the death of the constitution, privacy and free speech, and for warmongering. you cant have a real conversation with a reptile.

                          • ySkyler
                            ySkyler  3 weeks back

                            im here from Mr. Bush, I know you're from Mr. Bush too
                            g7 for the win

                            • FFGG22E
                              FFGG22E  3 weeks back

                              no1. stop reading the NYT's

                              • Jamie Jobb
                                Jamie Jobb  3 weeks back

                                The press is giving too much credence to the claim the alleged president's actions were driven by concerns about corruption. If Cadet Bone Spurs claims it’s important to “speak to somebody about corruption,” that conversation should start with full transparency on his own corruption, and there should be no focus on Hunter Biden until he has come clean.

                                • Stevo Mighty
                                  Stevo Mighty  3 weeks back

                                  On a scale of 1 to 10, how confident do you think this technique will work?

                                  • David Boson
                                    David Boson  3 weeks back

                                    Why do we assume that all humans are logical, rational, thoughtful, and want to participate in meaningful discourse?

                                    • Warren Outley
                                      Warren Outley  3 weeks back

                                      Kavenaugh propaganda fail, the impeachment folly dying almost as fast journalismat did at the Times.
                                      So they punt with this kind of crap, it's all they have left

                                    • Tony Saunders
                                      Tony Saunders  3 weeks back

                                      If you find yourself having to manipulate someone into objectively reviewing their opinions then you can be sure that person's opinions are all trash. That seems like a defeatist attitude because it IS a defeatist attitude. There are millions and millions of stupid people and there is no way to fix it. The only choice is to watch the circus for entertainment.

                                      • libsrtraitors
                                        libsrtraitors  3 weeks back

                                        Hard to disagree with a hateful, anti Trump liberal without them having a meltdown

                                        • Juan Doe
                                          Juan Doe  3 weeks back

                                          The NYT is Stage 4 cancer on America. The hate, the lies, and the calculated Anti-American perspective. To the staff and readers, take the lead from Planned Parenthood. End your life. America will be better off.

                                          • Stephen Jin
                                            Stephen Jin  4 weeks back

                                            really helpful

                                            • alex johnson
                                              alex johnson  4 weeks back

                                              MORE WORTHLESS LIES,PROPAGANDA BY LYING N.Y.TIMES!!!

                                              • timothy kearns
                                                timothy kearns  4 weeks back

                                                The New York Slimes........I'd take advice from Beto before I'd ever ask for advice from the Slimes.

                                                • Jeremy A.
                                                  Jeremy A.  4 weeks back

                                                  How not to be a dualistic thinker 101

                                                  • hellasow
                                                    hellasow  4 weeks back

                                                    i need this...(before watching)...hope it is good...

                                                    • The 1/16 Army
                                                      The 1/16 Army  4 weeks back

                                                      NYT is an excellent newspaper , makes great toilet paper and bird cage liner!

                                                      • Jeremy A.
                                                        Jeremy A.  4 weeks back

                                                        So what you're saying is that you don't read?

                                                    • Jurij Fedorov
                                                      Jurij Fedorov  4 weeks back

                                                      Can we also leave out clear evidence of us being wrong? I know a paper who practice that.

                                                      • Devin Harp
                                                        Devin Harp  4 weeks back

                                                        "America has never been so divided..."

                                                        Perhaps because diversity of cultures and beliefs naturally brings social unrest and division. This is the price you pay for it.

                                                        • J Mac
                                                          J Mac  4 weeks back

                                                          How about disagreeing with your employee tweeting racist and homosexual remarks?!!

                                                          • Pastor Obreiro da Graça de Jesus

                                                            Greetings Friends!!! Have a great day!

                                                            • news
                                                              news  4 weeks back

                                                              😮

                                                              • Edward Bruggeman
                                                                Edward Bruggeman  4 weeks back

                                                                Brilliant!

                                                                • growlinghands
                                                                  growlinghands  4 weeks back

                                                                  Saudi Arabia goes up to an 11 on the patriarchy scale of 10.



                                                                  To be fair, it's better than it was when I was last there nearly 20 years ago.

                                                                  • Ricardo Castillo
                                                                    Ricardo Castillo  4 weeks back

                                                                    This is completely disingenuous, coming from the NYT. Stop lecturing, start by looking in the mirror. You hire radical hate-mongers, lie and smear people, then presume to lecture us about destructive arguing. Epic fail.

                                                                    • Tony Saunders
                                                                      Tony Saunders  3 weeks back

                                                                      On a scale of 1 to 10, where Brietbart is a 5, how disingenuous would you say the NYT is?

                                                                  • Jan
                                                                    Jan  4 weeks back

                                                                    Tag a vegan/lgbt/liberal friends :)

                                                                    • Steve Deasy
                                                                      Steve Deasy  4 weeks back

                                                                      You seem to assume that people might want to change their opinions. I haven't found that to be the case. It seems to be more important to be on a certain team or another.

                                                                      • Trenton Knauer
                                                                        Trenton Knauer  4 weeks back

                                                                        This is phenomenal

                                                                        • _ brayan :3
                                                                          _ brayan :3  4 weeks back

                                                                          soy un wafle xd

                                                                          • WojtekFigurniak
                                                                            WojtekFigurniak  4 weeks back

                                                                            Good info but whats with the in-ya-face camera work??

                                                                            • CNend
                                                                              CNend  4 weeks back

                                                                              it helps people who actual read or listen to NYT feel closer to them

                                                                          • Abhijeet Safai
                                                                            Abhijeet Safai  4 weeks back

                                                                            I disagree with all of these methods! :D

                                                                            • Abhijeet Safai
                                                                              Abhijeet Safai  4 weeks back

                                                                              @Havel the Rock I think I disagree totally. Lowest number. Even minus! :D

                                                                            • Havel the Rock
                                                                              Havel the Rock  4 weeks back

                                                                              on a scale of 1 to ten how much do you disagree with these methods?

                                                                          • Goyim
                                                                            Goyim  4 weeks back

                                                                            On a scale from 1 to 10 how sure are you that the Israeli's attacked the USS Liberty?

                                                                            • Andreas mathiassen
                                                                              Andreas mathiassen  4 weeks back

                                                                              You say there is three things that one can do. I think there is one more way to have a productive conversation: tell the person to shut up and think for a minute.

                                                                              • Yujia Zhai
                                                                                Yujia Zhai  4 weeks back

                                                                                I am not saying that this video is entirely helpless. It can be practically helpful. But the problem with this kind of video is that it assumes that people disagree/argue only as rational beings whereas in reality people are rooted in their emotions, memories, and cultures too.

                                                                                • Tony Saunders
                                                                                  Tony Saunders  3 weeks back

                                                                                  It's the opposite of that. It assumes people argue because of their emotions/memories/cultures and offers a strategy to break them out of that.

                                                                              • beatchewup
                                                                                beatchewup  4 weeks back

                                                                                Ny Times is trash.

                                                                                • Tobias Forge
                                                                                  Tobias Forge  4 weeks back

                                                                                  I really like Boghossian, I'm surprised he'd lower himself the level of NYT.

                                                                                  • Entengummitiger
                                                                                    Entengummitiger  4 weeks back

                                                                                    Seems more like the NYT is taking in some of his ideas

                                                                                • Will Mac
                                                                                  Will Mac  4 weeks back

                                                                                  They say they were protecting the victim. The irony is that Kavanaugh is the victim. Sad that NYT became fake biased news. Back in the Reagan days, it wasn't like that. They just reported honestly with neutrality. Sadly, it's run by bed bug infested demonrats now. Very sad.

                                                                                  • CNend
                                                                                    CNend  4 weeks back

                                                                                    they kinda missed something in the 1920's-30's too

                                                                                • Tobias Forge
                                                                                  Tobias Forge  4 weeks back

                                                                                  I guess the people at NYT must have read some of the comments from their supporters and realized most are uninformed morons ... Good try but, most of your viewers aren't smart enough to realize this video was aimed at them.